Monkeys can be used for political ladder climbing

I need to post more frequently, and I need to explain the following:

Who the hell I am

The origin of this blog's title

And more relevant non-complaining stuff in general.

I shall try my darn'dist to do the above three, maybe even one tonight! But until now, look at why monkeys will always be important:

Monkeys become deadly menace in Delhi

Right on, man.

Last night at 12:42 am my brother called me in the middle of a study group to ask the following.
"Hey Joe."
"Yeah?"
"Dude, are you gay?"
"Yeah."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Are you fucking serious?"
"Yeah."
"Really?"
"Yea--are you drunk?"
"Yeah but, like does mom and Jon [my step-dad] know about it?"
"Well Jon knows bu--"
"No, no, no. Fuck it, I don't care, good for you, being gay, that's what you want to be so yeah, I don't care."
"Alright. Um, I gotta go cause I'm studying."
"Alright see ya later."
"So long."

That's probably the nicest thing my brother has said to me. The best part it is that it isn't even true, now I need to get my parents to get in on the joke.

One more final, I swear to god.

Oooh What she gonna doooo, with a spachila, against two gunssss ohhhhh

I shall start this post with a topic that has nothing to do with the rest of this post. Douglas Adams kicks ass. I'm cheating and listening to his audiobook of the Hitchhikers' Guide series and it's awesome. I defend my not reading it by arguing that I have finals and a lot of school crap and cannot have lights on past midnight cause my roommate can't sleep with any lights on at all, annnnnd I heard on SGU* that the audiobook is really bad ass. And it is! But anyways, although I realize that I'm not right now, I might catch myself attempting to write like he does so from here on out just play the following game. Every time you see a bad joke-irony-deadpan absurd Joseph Heller-esque statement you can take a drink (I hope it's already assumed that people drink hard liquor when reading blogs, if not you haven't lived). So the jokes were put in not because I thought they were funny, but because I want people to play a game and read! And that is all.

Now.

I've only taken one final this week and I already want to post a look back at my first quarter at UCLA. I won't end up writing a quality post because it is also late and the people who now read this probably heard the majority of what I would bitch about anyways.

To be short: This was nothing like how I thought or wanted it to be at all, and usually it never is but usually it's never this bad. And at the same time I don't really hate it here. I like the idea of going to UCLA, I like knowing I go to UCLA, I like the classes and the professors and the dorm food and the people in my dorm.

But at the same time I hate my progress in my classes, the way I waste time and my living situation. I already feel lame talking about my roommate as much as I already do, and I would feel even more lame if I complained in my blog about everything. But I won't submit to my lameness and complain until I max out my max amount of symbols, which I think is impossible. I'll just say one thing, tonight isn't the only night I've had to go on the computer only in the bathroom and not in my dormroom.

I also hate how more and more absurd it's getting to try and get my BS. I should take it off my email sig. and other items I've put Anthropology BS in instead, I'm still technically getting a BA right now and as luck is probably going to have it, I probably will end up with it. I feel stupid for doing that now, but at the same time, meh. I need to stop complaining.

*Non-complaining
I have taken photos while I've been at UCLA and I think I will post them sooner or later, but most of them suck. I am so glad I didn't try and get on the Daily Bruin, I would have had no time to make an impression or to put into any assignments that I might receive.

Crap, it's 3:15 and I have Chem. Primate Behavior and Philosophy to study for, so yeah, I am gonna cut this mo' short.

Good night.

PS-There were 57 times you could have potentially taken a drink while reading this.

*SGU-Skeptic's Guide to the Universe

Holy Crap!

I just found out through my saga of not doing my homework that the new Indiana Jones movie means that there is going to be a lot of Indy-themed merchandise, aka toys that I wish were around when it was acceptable to still play with toys! I say 'acceptable' because I'll probably go and buy these small little plastic pieces of pure joy.

I mean, look!



He comes with a gun, a whip, a golden idol, a sword and a crap load more awesome items!
I really hope that they make characters not just from the most current movie, because that would mean that you could have the Thugee Leader for Indy to fight with! And he could come with a sacrificed heart! WHOA!

Also, Lego is gonna make some stuff too, I will sock any little kid in my path to the aisle that contains them, I am serious.



The little piece of childhood that I lost long ago has just risen from the dead and ate my brains, in the sense that my brains metaphorically represents...I dunno zombies were what came to my mind when I thought about the little piece of my childhood that died but was resurrected, I'll make a Jesus metaphor later when I don't need to eat and do homework.

Regards,
Joe Creason

On another note.

I was not aware that writer's of "The Office" went on strike, they have a blog with a youtube video that is pretty funny. http://unitedhollywood.blogspot.com/2007/11/office-down-for-good.html

Steve Carell said he could not make it to work due to "enlarged balls." A reason which truly puts him in the tier of most awesome people in the world ever list.

regards,
Joe Creason

Dag Nabbit.

1stly,
Well I was completely wrong on how well I did on my primate behavior test. I was really really wrong and I can't believe how wrong I was too, and I want to blame the fact that I got the most trivial types of questions wrong and almost all of the short answer/paragraph questions right. It's frustrating to get that stuff right and not the other stuff, I hate the idea that I have to go back and learn basic details on subjects at a time where I am very belated in doing that said process. This just makes me get behind on the current subjects we're studying now, and it's so annoying how hard it is for me to kick myself in the ass to get caught up, and to do so at an good time.

2ndly,
I hate thinking that I worked my ass off at Long Beach City for two years and ruined my social life and alienated my ex-girlfriend in that time span only to come to UCLA and just not be smart enough.
Are community colleges really just watered down? Is my form of learning and studying only productively rewarding at the academic level of a two year college and simply not good enough for universities? That's too sweeping of a statement I know but in my specific case does this mean that I'm not smart enough for UCLA? How the hell could I be so sure of myself on this damn test and my math test and manage such terrible scores?
Why am I failing so miserably at everything I do, this blows beyond anything. This is compounded by the large amount of control that I have over this situation and the large amount of misuse I am handling my control, I want to do better in these classes but now I've just ruined my chances of keeping my GPA at a good level. I am utterly useless, and the only way to change that is through getting these grades up.

3rdly, and finally,
This blog did just become another cry fest, but for some reason I like blogger's design and way it's set up more than live journal, so it seems having a more quality packed blog will have to slum to a more quantitative bitching blog. But whatever, even the blogs of the people I find interesting I do not read in detail, so how could I possibly have anyone actually care about the details in this blog?

Regards,
Joe Creason

Chimp off the Old Block

Hey kids,

Before I talk about how I don't have time to talk about much, I want to make clear that if you did jump to the conclusion that I titled this entry based off of the Monkey News segment spouted by the brilliant Karl Pilkington, then I want to marry you. This is stated with complete awareness of any gender related issues. Seriously.

Anyways,

First and for what,
I need to stop writing this right now and leave to data crunch my Chimp field work, which is very very scantily done. That is, I have really boring and probably very obsolete (in terms of the project I have due in my Primate Behavior class) in the findings that I observed.
Hopefully this won't suck.

Regards,
Joe Creason

Cleaning My Act Up.

Alright kids,

First-son,
I need to clean up my act in school, I may look/think I look like I'm always study, but truth is I'm always procrastinating. And what's worse is that I'm not only effectively not getting any work done, I'm also messing up in school, not hanging out with people enough and making myself miserable. I need to learn how to better optimize my time, especially if I still don't want to screw up this quarter, or this whole damn thing.

Secondly,
There is really know reason to be on the down low about it, Maeve broke up with me, it is in fact the worst feeling of my entire life because she really was perfect. Like, she laughed at the same things I did, hated the same things I did, liked the same music I like, was interested in the same things I like and auuuuuugh she was so beautiful and all that crap. Well, now it's over and I respect her too much to ever want to even think mean things about her, but the thing is I need to like get over it, like, quickly. I do not want to think about her and all this damn high school angsty crap right now, I want to be smart, I want to get good grades, I want to do what's right.

I figured that I would have to write about it somewhere, and let it be here where I hope it'll just go buried in all the supposed more legitimate topics I should be talking about, but I have to really just except it AND most importantly move on.

So on that note, moving on.

Thirdfish,
I hate hate hate hate Chemistry, I'm sorry science, but Chemistry is the child in the family that has to make everything he talks about really tedious and crappy and I cannot make a good analogy for it, that's how crappy Chemistry is, usually I spit out pure gold! But not with you, you stupid spooty subject you.

Fourtower,
Writing about getting off my ass and getting things done makes me want to, well get off my ass and get things done. But before I do so I must stress that I too, fear that I'll end up talking about the same thing over and over again in the journal, and I also will never ever update it as well. But fear not, I'm single, and I think I will attempt to write in this at the very least every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday because I have a gap from 11-1:00 pm where I see it as worthless to come back to my dorm and I will probably either play Day of Defeat or eat at the dining hall, and both are probably contributing to my getting fat. F and in the A.

Good night and regards,
Joe Creason

I knew it.

Hey kids,

Firstege,

Chemistry kicked my ass. I did not finish it at all, and I ran out of time and I 100% failed it, I need to see if there is any possible chance of passing the class with dying on the midterm and getting a decent final grade because we only have those two tests and these stupid online quizzes. AUUGH.

After consulting the grading procedure for the class there might be hope, But I suck at this course.

Bloody Pocket Protector.

Hey kids,

Firstly,
I totally destroyed my Primate Behavior quiz that I had at ten this morning and it was the greatest feeling ever. It was as if I kicked it's ass, I took no crap from that thing and it was the coolest thing ever. I knew every single topic on it and knew each answer, hopefully I articulated the correct responses to each question, though. The problem with evolutionary subject matter in a quiz where you are required to give a quick description of something, is that it is easy to make everything sound like you're describing the same process.
I'm gonna look up the Baldwin Effect and see if I nailed it, of course Wikipedia is law written in stone with the blood of a thousand oaths (I liked that one) so if my answer is similar to Wikipedia's article on the subject, I know I'm good on at least one question....VICTORY!!! I nailed it, although it's pretty simple of an idea amongst many other ones evolution has to offer to tell the truth. But I couldn't put the title to that description before I took this class, so yeah.
Seriously, you have no idea how awesome this feels, I did terrible on the previous quiz and I didn't even finish it and that sucked cause this is my major, and even more specifically oriented towards my major because of science>culture whimsical crap. So it's awesome to know that if I sit down, create a just the facts review outline for the lecture notes before the class the night before, not only will I know the material well enough to give my own examples but also to do so under the time given for the test. BADASS!!!
It feels like I kicked major ass, and the test was conceptual short-answered, none of that bullshit multiple choice stuff, it's as if I kicked a smart kids ass and took his glasses as a trophy to hang on my wall of ass-kickery.

Secondfully,
Now I have my Chemistry midterm to study for, I think I'll wait until after it to talk about it cause then I can kill two birds with one stone and discuss my annoyance with that class and the exact opposite feeling I will most likely have about my performance on the midterm. Also I need to study for it so I should stop this now.

Thirdst,
I feel like if I'm going to do this 1st, 2nd...crap then I need at least three topics to talk about, and I also think this topic is a legitimate one to take the place of the third topic I'm talking about in this blog.

Regards,
Joe Creason

No Time for Titles!

Hey kids,
I suppose this will be very brief in that I have to go twenty minutes early to a review for my chem. midterm if I am to get a seat. But yeah, this will be my official blog, as in, the blog where I talk about the interests and items that truly are important to me which consist of anthropology, evolution, science education and misanthropy. I will comment about the last interest in detail hopefully soon considering it needs explanation, and I do not want to be lumped into the category of the other---CRAP! I need to go.

Regards,
Joe Creason